Nice weekend at home so far – I cancelled my trip to Iowa for the weekend, mainly because I haven’t really gotten over being sick a couple of weeks ago, and I’m feeling exhausted all the way around. The good news is that I now have a credit with US Airways, so for the next year I may need to take a couple of trips, including one to Iowa – still haven’t lost sight of going to see the family, and I know inquiring minds are curious about what it must be like to stay at the Motel Wilton (you know you can’t help but wonder, can you?), as am I, so…
When I was in my early twenties, I wrote a series of poems entitled “Mask,” (which I gave away to someone who didn’t deserve it – but I’m not bitter.) The series was a concept, about how we wear so many different masks in life, and how sometimes it’s hard to remember the person underneath. Lately I feel like I’ve forgotten who I am, like I’ve gotten lost behind all of the personas I have to be during the day. It seems difficult right now to find myself, so I’m happy to have these few days to get my self back, and maybe get my joy back, too.
I read a quote once, about how we tend to look for happiness, when it is really a choice that we can make anytime. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But once the choice is made, then the next step is how, which brings us back to looking for happiness – if someone doesn’t know how to be happy, then choosing to be isn’t realistic for them. I’m not sad – I feel more like I’m allowing the universe to play keep-away with my life, instead of grabbing the ball. And what is so hard is that I feel like something is keeping me from doing it, something that I can’t grasp. I know this – I don’t have a lot of time to figure it out; in the words of famous movie truant Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
So maybe figuring it out isn’t the way to go; if I drop the mask, and stop to look around once in a while, I might not need to grab the ball – it’ll come to me. One never knows…
Julie Wrote What? 