I have talked at length about my food issues here, and I’m going to do it a little more right now, so if you’re into schadenfreude, read on (and if neurotic women make you squirm, see you another day, no worries).
It’s been a bumpy week. I’m struggling in a few different areas in my life, and trying to concentrate on those that I have some control over, like work, writing, and doing more knitting (the last will reap emotional and psychological benefits now, and monetary benefits later, fingers crossed). Food-wise, the holidays weren’t kind to me, and although it wasn’t much, I did go up a little bit on the scale, and so I’m in the familiar position of re-adjusting my diet. So much goes into maintaining weight loss, and this year will be three years that I have kept the weight off (minus five pounds). This is an achievement for me, and something that I have not ever been able to do before; usually by this time, I’m back in Weight Watchers, starting the plan all over again.
So it’s the middle of January, I’m counting calories, refraining from eating too much bread (sticks like Elmer’s), eating more protein, fruit (not too much fruit, it also sticks like glue), vegetables, and working out more (the workouts also suffered over the holidays – wouldn’t it be nice if you could work out to a certain level, and your body could bookmark that level, so when you got back to regular workouts, it would say, “Here you are, Julie!” like you never left.)
It’s a life-long battle for me, not only with food, but with body image issues that started at 14, and rage on today. I don’t have a lot of funny things to say about this – it’s a constant in my life, and what’s hard about it is that I can’t just walk away from the negativity, as I would if it were coming from someone else and directed at me. When you have believed something about yourself for almost your entire life, it takes a little more than, “Oh, just get over it!” to change your thoughts. It’s damned hard work, and I’m nowhere near finished; the best I can do is act “as if,” and maybe all that acting will pay off one day, and I will really feel different. To all of you who don’t have any idea what I’m saying, in the words of the great Napoleon Dynamite: “Lucky!!” (Now hand over your tots…)